Through Old Cantonese Windows

Some stuff collected from China travels arrive...a beaten up old bench from Macau, a pair of tall wooden panels of camphor from Grandad's town.
The aroma brings back echoes from our first trip to visit him.

March Poetry Spam with Jez - Unedited

snuff puppet and the snipped tortoise

Sodden Bat and the steady jelly

lead leddy and the up-falling brick stash

stamped scorpion and the undersea tissue

bonsai bee and the upscaled udder

shuriken rubber and the plenty less

ninja nanny and followed fred

Funakoshi doorknob and French ted

French Ted took to his head things that Ninja Nanny had once said

She said she said the shed the shed was not where ted's head bred

"There"s plenty less where they didn't come from" didn't shout Loppy

He sniffed he snorted and slipped and jipped a poppy


"Get yer afgann poppies here ladies! Spread em round yer windasills,
Thassit Dottie, fork out a tenna and make sure a tallybanna and his
nephew
Get all the ammo they need...Come on...they're ORGANICK!"



...and and and they saw Lionel Blair. . .
He was . . . t h e r e!


Hahaaaaairgh!!!!



London Rubber, London Rubber, is what I think they put in Hubba Bubba...

Brain of the barmy, brain of the barmy, is what I think they put in
chilli
con carne!

No it aint no it aint they put in the entire German army

No it aint no it aint they put in Roger Moore from The Saint

Coulda been paint, coulda been paint, but it aint, it aint

Coulda been tar, coulda been a wig, I dunno but the lumps were big




I'm gonna throw a sickie, I need a nice day off,
I'll pretend I's got the squirts, or a rotten hackin cough.
I'll distort my windpipe, so it sounds like I'm at death's door
"I really honestly never have, felt this ill before"
I'll act the part so well, that I'll keep it up at home,
So the missus doesn't nag me, and no moanin' on the phone.
A whole day to do nothing, it feels just bloody great,
daytime telly's suicidal, don't turn it on.....Oh too late....


I tell yer wot I'll eat swarfega
The doc''' swear I look meeker
Than that bloke Beaker
from tha Muppets, yeah
I'll prteend to knock knock knockin on heaven's door
When da missus comes home, I'll be wracking on the floor
The paramedics'll come kicking down the door
And realise I've bin fakin it, nah
There's goota be a good way to throw a sickie
Wot if I bought a sawn off shotgun
and raided sainsburys?
That'll get me off work
Wont it?



I got a bristle from a hairbrush
Stuck under my fingernail,
Now I know what torture is like
And all that it entails...
It hurt so bleedin much
I nearly had a cry,
But I didn't know what pain
Was like, until I stuck one
In me eye....


I said hip hop, hippetty hop
What does a bloke do in a womans shop
There be bags of bags
So heavy that my feet
Learnt that the world was flat
I carry food for the kids
the dog and grans cat
Whats in a shop for a bloke
An average Joe on a 9 to 5 wage
Draggin his feet and penting up rage
That then explodes on the M25
Running over to headbutt a stranger called Clive
i learn later in court
as I get done, I get caught
And get shopped,
shopped by a cop
All cos of a woman
her bags, and a shop...


How does the female mind work?
It seems to work better than a man's,
The female organises hundreds o things,
A man can think with his glands....

Coming Soon!

Big Up Bertha

Big Up Bertha exploded suddenly and ended up

here

here




here

and








a l l t h e w a y



over here.